The UK Christian Singles Community.

Part One of this article reminded us not to overlook who a person is on the inside when we are making relationship decisions. But what now? We know what to be wary of, but how do we find Mr or Mrs Right?

Whilst you cannot 'fix' or even control another person, you can get fixed and control yourself. You see, if you want a healthy, whole, safe person, you need to be a healthy, whole, safe person first. With relationships it's so often true that you don't get what you want, you get what you are. Just as what's on the inside of a potential partner is important, what's on the inside of you is the most critical element in having a happy healthy relationship.

You will notice that in any environment a kind of sorting takes place. Tactics that work with other unhealthy people, don't work with healthy people. Pretty quickly healthy people find the other healthy people and the unhealthy people get to practice their tactics on each-other. So if you want a healthy person, you need to be one. Before you start looking for Mr or Mrs Right, become Mr or Mrs Right. Every moment you work on yourself and invest in your personal growth, you are investing in your future partner and your future relationship.

Start noticing when you feel threatened, lonely, angry and anxious. What triggers your reactions and who triggers them. Give your friends and family permission to speak into your life and receive what they have to say. Sometimes it's your housemates that know things about you that you don't even know yourself. Be prepared to listen to some honest truth. It is constructive to hear your own weakness, because they are usually your strengths in disguise. Take them to God and get some real answers about why you do what you do. Mostly it comes down to the way you think and that can always be changed.

Whilst we were designed to be in relationship with other people, we were also designed to be whole people. If you're not enough without a relationship, you'll never be enough with one. So stop looking for your other half because that implies you are a half and incomplete. Jesus said 'the two will become one flesh' not 'the two half people will add up to one whole'. So stop waiting to be completed by another person and start being completed by God. You want to compliment your partner, not complete each-other. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes with this. If you are not waiting for someone for your life to start, or even for you to be you, then you can start being you now and living life to the full today.

Find out who you are, what you love and what you dream of. Then start happening! Be a whole amazing person all by yourself and you will suddenly become the greatest gift to give away to someone special, someday soon.

Jesus accused the pharisees of cleaning the outside of the cup and leaving the inside unclean, instead he urges them to clean the inside and then the outside will become clean also. In the West, we spend much time perfecting who we appear to be and so little time working on who we really are that we need to learn the lesson that the Pharisees learnt. We need to become concerned with what is happening on the inside of us and then the outside will naturally look good.